I've been reading Lunch in Paris for about 7 months now. I just want to finish it already! I really enjoy the book but for some reason it's taking me f.o.r.e.v.e.r. to finish it.
One paragraph, though, stuck out. I feel like it is exactly what I am going through right now and is the reason why I am so unhappy and discontented in my current place in life.
"Here it was, right on schedule: my mini existential crisis. Yes, the writing was still coming in dribs and drabs. But it was so slow. Yup, the tours were great. I felt like I was doing something really valuable - sharing the love of museums my father had given me. But it wasn't mine. Once again, I was a charming cog in someone else's wheel. I was once again forced to confront (with the accompanying self-loathing) the fact that I had the goods, but not the discipline or perseverance to create something for myself. How could anyone so ambitious be so inert?"
I came home from work yesterday truly upset. I just wanted to cry. The communication is simply not there which is causing so many problems. And then the drama. Dear god, just go away. I felt so uncomfortable that someone even commented on my fidgety nature. I do really love working in hospitality but when the workers behind the scenes are not hospitable to eachother, how can we provide our best services to our clients/guests? It can't work like that. It has to start from the ground up, from the housekeeping to the servers to the kitchen, to the management.
It's definitely not Gary. I love him more and more everyday. We're learning to appreciate each other better and treat each other with the greatest respect. He's been a great support to me as I struggle with life at the moment. Though it's also about not living on our own in addition to working in a terribly unprofessional environment. I need to get out of here simply to gain my sanity back. I want to enjoy where I work and feel at home. I can't wait until I can go to sleep with no terror that something didn't get done or dream about work or wake up feeling so anxious that I wish I never woke up in the first place.
I can't wait for Gary to graduate :)
1 comment:
I remember that feeling so well when working at the hotel in Duluth. I got through it knowing that I was doing the best I could do everyday and made sure I made up for what anyone else did wrong. I also got through knowing I wouldn't be there forever, which is just like you too.
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